Life at Dollar Alley

Where to begin? Where to end? The questions never cease. Is this a dollar? Do you have this in polka dot? Alas, my kid needs a leash.

Remember that time you got earrings up your nose? Boy, that was insane. Where squeaking sharks and shrunken peanuts are thrown, watch your head - it might rain.

The notorious Murphy, who deserves more than words can say. Plitter, platter, gulp, smash, beeeeep! Don’t mess with him, it’s a conspiracy - as if the whole store listens for his command.

Poor Charlie. He always did try to stand strong, noble. That is, until the day Murphy decided to teach him how to eat dollar bills.

Balloons! Balloons everywhere. Pop! Swish! Eeeeek! Shall I take them off the wall? NO! No, actually, just give me the numbers. If your wife isn’t turning 40, try another. The stickiness solidifies over time.

And then, there are the random Giant guys - and some who actually work at CVS, Subway, FedEx. Hairspray bowling, roundhouse kick off the wall. Would you get me a sandwich? Is that my drink? Just put it on my tab.

I do love a truck. The scent of cardboard, structures everywhere. Sometimes an avalanche - but typically, that’s just the streamers. Ooo, something new! A shovel labelled rake, some scented toilet paper holders, or my favorite - tire foam aka baby oil.

Oh no! It’s a rampage! Duck! Flying scissors. Run! She’s after you now. Hide! Oh, you didn’t. Not again. Josh…

Should we discuss Christmas? Perhaps. It defines craziness. Tape, wrapping paper, bags, everything everywhere. But enough of that.

Ahh, customers. The VICs, VIPs, VAPs. Customers, people, and annoying. I should mention anal-retentive’s eye - but I won’t. Or balloon perfection freak - but I won’t. Even the van lady - but I won’t. No, all these pale when compared to the one who shocked his girlfriend and the world at once: I’m leaving you. People want me.

I must sign off, and leave the world of Dollar Alley. All the craziness, insanity. It all just fits into its own reality. Someday, I will return. But for now, all I have left to say is:

Thank you … for telling me …

So how has your week been? I was lucky enough that my manager forgot about April Fools Day, but today is my birthday, so we’ll see how that goes.

On Monday when I went into work, I had a horrible case of the hiccups. I was amazed at the solutions offered:

• swallow a teaspoon of pure sugar. (sour gummy works seemed to offer a temporary solution)
• Dr Pepper makes you hyper!! (no I didn’t really understand it either…)
• And when all else failed, Josh decided to hit me in the back with a roll of wrapping paper - which only resulted in me glaring at him.

We hired a new girl, who I think is pretty cool. Anyway, she came in for something or other, and she explained how she really had to use the bathroom because their bathroom got hit by lightning, so it’s not usable anymore. She offered to pay me a dollar to let me use our bathroom. I looked at her and said, “You’re an employee. You can use the employees only bathroom.”

Random Saying of the Day
 I like this mirror. It makes my face look big.

PS I’ll be taking a break from updating for a few weeks as I am taking a break from work. I’ll be updating again soon!

[A.k.a. A Refresher Course of My Life at Dollar Alley.]

1. You meet many strange and random people, including
      - coworkers (who are each insane in his or her own way)
      - the faithful customers (those who come every week, to the hour, on occasion)
      - those who are looking for the completely bizarre (corpses, inflatable pools, rugs)
      - not to mention many, if not all, of the employees of the surrounding shops (in my  case, a grocery store, the Subway, Chinese food place, a pizza place, and the former neighbor, a Tae Kwan Do school)

2. Inanimate objects become friends … or enemies, depending on his or her nature.
      - Charlie the lovely cash register on the right, who is always faithful.
      - The ladder that simply has no name … but refuses to close.
      - The streamers that tend to fall when anything gets near to it.
      - And of course, the infamous Murphy, the register that is really behind everything  that happens. Between eating money, puking, beeping incessently, and of course, causing other inanimate objects to jump off shelves, get stuck, or attack me.

3. Although it is a dollar store, the prices are still confusing.
     - Yes, almost everything is one dollar … but there are items four for a dollar and two for a dollar.
     - Tax is still a button that tends to elude me. Is it taxable or not?

4. Do not be surprised when strange events occur.
    - It’s a dollar store. What do you expect?

5. Never, never, never lose your cool. Don’t let it get to your brain - who wants to be a living dollar store?

For all those who were the least bit concerned about me, I am now sleeping just fine without dreams of shoplifters since I started updating.

Random Inanimate Objects
 So I walk out the back, and there are typically tractor trailers just hanging out and what not. However, I’m used to normal ones: the ones that say Giant, or have icecream on them from Turkey Hill, stuff like that. I really wasn’t expecting a plain white one that simply read: Eggs.

Awesome Find
 Dollar stores are known to have some pretty cool finds. Then again, random stuff + cheap cost = good bargains. It works. Anyway, I was stocking Easter eggs the other day, when something shiny at the bottom of the box caught my eye. I kinda laughed to myself (easily distracted much?), but I still saw the light glinting. So I reached down to see what it was. It was a coin from China that apparently had fallen out of someone’s pocket while he was loading the box. Wow!! Pretty nifty.

Yes, indeed. Not posting is resulting in intense nightmares. I have dreams of being stuck in the store at all hours of the night. Between shoplifters and people who just won’t leave, it’s pretty horrific actually.

So, let’s see. Easter is just over now. (Happy Easter, by the way!) It was pretty crazy: we sold out of Easter baskets by Tuesday? Thursday? Something like that. But yeah, I’m sure you wanted to hear all about that.

Funny things you missed:

PG-13 for drug references … mistakes.
 ”Do you have drugs?” Pardon me? “Drugs? The ones you lay on the floor?” You mean, rugs. “I said rugs.”
 ”Do you have that bag of pot … ?” Potting soil.

Random ShoutOut of the Day
 Happy 21st birthday to Rob, the Subway manager …. it’s rather strange how that works that I know his birthday … and his age …