Say Goodnight – on a Very Dull Friday Night

Yes, so pretty much nothing happened Friday night. And I mean, nothing happened anywhere. You know it’s bad when you have Subway guys texting you saying, “I’m so bored. We’ve been dead.”

But it was pretty random. The Subway owner stopped in and said hello. He didn’t buy anything, just had a conversation with Kim and I. Like I said, random.

And I did overhear a funny conversation:
Person 1 (to herself): Is everything a dollar?
Other Customer: Didn’t you see the sign on the door? Yes.
Person 2 (Person 1’s companion): Here, let me hit you with this spatula.

Oh, and a controversial issue (let’s see if we can get some responses). A woman outside said to her 5 year old daughter, “Sit on the bench for a minute. I want to have a cigarette.”
 Is it right or wrong??

A Totally Uneventful Day

Yes. There was next to no one in the store. (By the way, that’s totally bogus because all our Christmas items are 25% off – aka 75 cents.) [aka ... check it out] However, lack of people does not stop me from having a fascinating night. Of course, there is some good parts about no people – like being able to talk to myself without feeling embarassed, and going crazy stocking the shelves.

But one issue with no people is that my mind tends to wander. So when a woman unzipped her coat and reached in her inside pocket, I began to wonder whether I would need to jump over the counter and take the gun. She reached in and pulled out *dramatic pause* a wallet. Yeah. A wallet can be a deadly weapon, don’t get me wrong … especially if you slap someone with it. But it’s pretty hard to do that over a counter.

Plus there was this strange alien sound coming from outside … *Twilight Zone music*

Kleenex, I mean, Tissue
 A guy with a British accent and his girlfriend came into Dollar Alley while waiting for their Chinese food. She remember that she needed to get a gift bag.
 ”What for?” ‘Mate’ asked.
 ”For Loraine. I’m her Secret Santa.”
 ”Well, what did you get her?”
 ”A giftcard.”
 ”And you need a bag for that?”
 ”Yes.”
 So, they talk about different sizes of bags and such for awhile. She finally decides on a bag, and he heads over to put his lint roller on the counter. “Wait, I need tissue paper,” she blurts out.
 ”No you don’t.” ‘Mate’ replies. “Besides I have some at my house.”
 ”No, no, I need tissue paper.”
 ’Mate’ replies, “Just throw some Kleenex in. It’ll be great, and much more useful.”
 She yells back, “I’m not ghetto!”

Merry Eas … I Mean, Christmas

I’m used to people asking how much stuff is, or making jokes about Dollar Alley being a dollar store, due to that commercial all those years ago. But this weekend, I heard an argument I’ve never heard before.
 A man came up to the counter with his two kids, and some pads of paper. “Hi. Look, I know everything’s not a dollar…”
 ”Yes, it is.” I interrupted him.
 ”No, it’s not.” he said without hesitation. “So …”
 I cut him off again. “Yes, it is. Everything’s a dollar but the balloons.”
 His eyes widen in shock. “Really???”
 [The sad part was that he wasn't joking.]

Tape, Anyone?
 Tape is a huge seller, especially around Christmas time. The grocery store sells out quick, so we’re kinda the backup. I had a girl, probably about 17 ask me if we sold the tape, without the dispensers. “I don’t like the plastic,” she explained.
 Trying not to raise my eyebrows in curiousity and amazement, I told her we did not.
 About five minutes later, she came back up to the counter. “Do you think I could buy the tape with the dispensers, then break the dispensers?”

I managed to finally catch Murphy eating a dollar bill – and I made him spit it back up. I’m sorry to say though that Charlie (the opposing cash register) snuck a bill … hopefully, we can turn him back before it’s too late.

By the end of the day on Saturday, I was exhausted. Shoppers had been coming in nearly constantly, and I was pretty sure I was losing my mind – seriously. So I was pretty shocked, but not completely surprised, that I saw a floating turkey pan walking through the aisles … then realized there was a woman holding it up to show her companion.

Stories of the Sign
 ”I like your sign outside,” an older woman told me. “The balloon on it reminds me of someone flying away, like Mary Poppins.”

I’ve decided that exotic pets are the new thing. A few of my friends [yes, I have a life outside of Dollar Alley] just bought some baby piranha (which sounds like an oxymoron), and a scorpion. However, it wasn’t just my friends. A woman came up and asked me if I thought the fish food would work to feed her shark.

Christmas Craziness

We have some weird people every now and then, but we had a very strange woman in recently. “You have way too much plugged in,” she said to Stevie. “You could burn down the store. My coworker just died in an electrical fire because they had too much stuff plugged in.”
 [The irony was she was referring to a power strip that only had two things plugged in.]

Random Request of the Day
 ”Hi, I need 16 packs of serving cups.”

Christmas Idea of the Day
 Filling little sleighs, not with mints, but with M&M’s. (Guys are more likely to eat them anyway.)

A father told me a great story about his three year old son who went to see Santa Claus.
 Santa Claus: Now, what would you do if you got coal for Christmas?
 The three year old happily replied, “Why, I would put it in my John Deere tractor of course!”

I had the shock of my life when we had a joke shoplifter. He came right up to the counter, with a bag from Giant, and started picking up the candy canes and stuffing them in his bag. My mouth just dropped, as he watched me the whole time. I wasn’t really sure how to respond. After 30 seconds, my manager assured me it was just her uncle, and he was just joking.

Christmas Exchange Disasters
 A guy explained to me that this year he pulled a person who only liked Mickey Mouse. As difficult as that sounds, the year before was harder: she wanted only pink fuzzy stuff.

I’m working the big weekend aka this weekend aka the weekend before Christmas. Whew! It’ll be exciting for sure. Stay tuned.

A Dollar Alley Christmas [to be sung to the tune of Jingle Bells]

Dashing through the stores
On a dollar rampage
It’s almost Christmas time
And I need some more trays
The bows are ringing now
The bags are running low
And Murphy laughs loud hahaha
As we sprinkle fake snow
Oh!
Christmas cards, everywhere
Stockings overflow
Oh what fun to stock the store
The tape is down below
Santa Claus, snowmen too
Figurines galore
Candy canes and red garland
Candle sticks and more!

Merry Garland!!
(Oh wait! I forgot the wrapping paper!!)