The Mini Series 2 – Dedicated to Dave

So it has definitely been awhile since I’ve been on this site. College has a way of keeping you busy. But thankfully, I was able to find those stories that Murphy had hid from me, and now I have plenty to post. This post is Dave’s Christmas present, and an encouragement to hang in there.

I will never forget the night a dad rushed in and grabbed some fake nails. He looked around, then ran up to the counter. “Where is the super glue?”
I looked at him with an odd expression. “Well it’s on the back wall.” thinking that he must be picking up a few things while he was here.
He runs back up, and asks, “Do you think that super glue will hold these fake nails on my five year old hands?”
I was quite surprised. I couldn’t figure out if I was more surprised that he was asking if super glue would hold something, or that he wanted to super glue something to his kid’s hands. I calmly explained that it would hold the nails, but they would never come off without his daughter going through extreme pain. He seemed to accept this, but bought both items anyway.

Another guy came in, and asked, “Where do you keep your pads for women?”
I thought to myself, Wow, this is one dedicated guy. He’s getting pads for his wife, and he isn’t even afraid to ask where they are! He brought 10 packs up to the counter. While I was trying not to show my surprise, he quickly explained, “I use them for packing items. They keep everything so safe.”
I didn’t have the heart to tell him that paper works just as well, and is much cheaper and less embarressing.

Weird Sayings
“Pennies run my earth. Wait, that was a little too dramatic.”
“Daddy, I’m in the shoe aisle!” [We don’t have a shoe aisle.]

One of the other stories that was passed on to me was an older guy that came in wanting latex balloons that would  last the full three days (also known as high-float). He aptly described it as balloon viagra.

Thankfully, the question of how much is a pinch is now solved!! We recently got in a group of measuring spoons that included a spoon called Just a Pinch. Apparently, ‘just a pinch’ is too confusing for people to figure out on their own.

Funny Item Names
Funny Happy Time Train! – a red train
Box of leashes Giant/Friend Matt – written on the box
Pool Folat

I hope you enjoyed this post, and who knows? Maybe another post will be coming soon….

Dollar Alley: The Mini Series Part 2

Sorry again for the long hiatus. I am actually shortly leaving for college, AND I have found that half of my stories have gone missing!! *gasp* I put them in a certain notebook, and now the notebook is gone … *whispers* it’s that Murphy at work again … But mwah ha ha! I have found some other stories so I will publish those, and use my memory to remember a few more.

An old man comes in, looking kind of confused. “Do you have those things that you stick on paper? You know those little things that are circular that you stick on paper? I don’t know what they’re called …”
 Leah replies, “Stickers??”
 “Yes! Stickers!” was his response.
  Even stranger? He wanted to use them as targets for shooting. Leah convince him into buying two packs of yard sale stickers.
 (We later concluded he had a bad case of Alzheimer’s, or was very drunk as we could smell alcohol on his breath.)

Product of the Week
  Want to have a baby shower that everyone will remember? Then come to the dollar store, and ask specifically for our multi-animal animal plates and napkins. This lovely theme includes birds, a pig, a cow, a chicken, a lobster, a seal, and of course, a shark! What more could you want?

Product of the Week (a close second place)
 We have the most adorable little buggy cars. They each have a different hippie, flowery style. Of course, the back encourages you to COLLECT THEM ALL. (This includes the 20 cars, two different beetle cars, and four rat cars.)

 Some of my customers are really chatty, especially if there’s no one else in the store. One of the most random grandmothers came up to me with a bunch of stuff, and explained, “Just some stuff to do with the grandkids.” The item on top? A bill organizer.

Sayings
  In reference to pouring rain: It’s a beautiful day out – if you’re a fish.
  In reference to craziness: Do you sell sanity?
  In reference to if you want a bag for your seeds: No, I’m afraid the seeds would sprout in the dirt on the bottom of my purse.

 You know what’s really creepy? We have this green balloon that says You’ll Be Missed. Everytime I see it, I think of a dark night. The doorbell rings. You open the door to see a sparkly weight and this balloon. Confused, you take the balloon back inside and shut the door. And then the creepy music starts …. Doesn’t that scream horror film?

 

 Is this my last entry? I am going to say no. After all, there are always stories untold, unspoken thoughts, and new happenings occuring each moment. Check back every now and then – or ask me to email you when I update. Remember:

There is no end to insanity.

Dollar Alley Spring ’09: The Mini Series Part 1

An old man came in the other day to buy a couple of small items. Upon giving him his change, which include a ten, a five, and a few ones, he handed me back the five and said, “Someone just told me: If you look at the back of a five dollar bill, you’ll see a hitchhiker.”
You know you want to go look. Go find a five, and look for the hitchhiker. We’ll finish this story later.

Rule #14: It is mandatory that when a balloon truck is on its way, you must sell out of at least one balloon everytime you work. (Oh wait, maybe that just seems to be for me …)

Random Product
Orbit now advertises A More Fabulous Clean Feeling! (which means what?)

Recent Murphy Attempts Include:
   – Dropping a huge box of rubber bands on me from the top of the shelf [no worries, I caught it with my face]
   – Sending out kamikaze wind spinners to dive in front of the vacuum cleaner [the poor vacuum cleaner can hardly stand on its own anymore – the battle is really taking a toll on her]
   – the ultimate offense: trying to take my life. A pair of scissors flew off the shelf, and sliced a good chunk of skin off of the side of my foot. [that’s what I get for wearing nonappropriate battle shoes]. It’s still healing – three weeks later.

Random Customer Saying
 You’re a very efficient girl.
 (I had only rung up her items, bagged them, and gave her change.)

Little kids can be so adorable. This conversation made me laugh though.
 Little girl: Mommy, can I get that balloon? (pointing to a Happy Secretary’s Day balloon)
 Mother: Honey, you can get that when you’re an assistant.

Did you look at the five yet?? Couldn’t find him? I couldn’t either. The old guy took the five back from me, and says, “Oh, someone must’ve picked that hitchhiker up.”

PS Check out The Characters page for the lowdown on Leah and Adri 🙂 Erin, Kim, Dave and Josh coming soon.

A Long Entry Like a [Really Short] Book

For everyone who has missed my entries, I must first apologize. Though I’m afraid I cannot make other people produce randomness, I need to look for it. However, this entry should hopefully make up for your disappointment …. I have two full pages of an outline to write about.

Random Items
  – We sell aluminum forks that are labelled as SPOONS.
  – We sell aluminum spoons that are labelled as FORKS.
Oh dear! I’m afraid that the utensils are having an identity crisis. I mean what if the forks actually believe they need to be used to scoop up soup. Or the spoons believe that they are actually sharp?
 [ Of course, knives are exempt from this because a knife could never been anything but sharp … although it can be very useful as a fork as well. ]

 I had the most adorable little girl in the other day. She was just five, and she had just had her nails done. My mom was in and was making a huge deal about this little girl’s nails, and the little girl’s mom said, “Go ahead, tell them why your nails are done.”
  The little girls looks up shyly and says, “I’m going on a date tonight.”
  I’m a little shocked, but the mom quickly tells the little girl to tell me who she’s going with. “I’m going with my daddy!” the little girl exclaims.
  I think that that is one of the sweetest and best things to do with your daughters. It’s a great example of how guys should treat girls (and who knows better than Daddy?) and it also creates quality time between the father and daughter.

 I get a lot of random requests for balloons, but this was a first for me.
 “Could you get me that balloon hanging on the window?”
  Which one?
  “The one on this front window that’s green and yellow.”
  Ma’am, that’s a sign.

Murphy Conspiracy
 Yes, Murphy is still up to his old tricks. I think a part of it might be because we are using him to hold raffle money in (definitely come check out the raffle, you potential customers). But anyway, he has been getting crazier and crazier, and I definitely believe he has infiltrated the new computers.
  For example, I’m in the middle of two balloon orders on a day when I’m by myself, when both registers decided to stop working. It just showed the little hourglass …. as if Murphy was taunting me … haha, you’re stuck with a ton of balloons …
 Or that exact same day, when six balloons decided to fall off the walls? For no random reason!
  The worst part is that whenever you replace the register tape, the screen shuts off. This is bad because when the screen is off, Murphy can communicate freely without us seeing him. I’m getting quicker at catching it, but each second is precious to a mastermind like Murphy.

Random Fact
 “Did you know that going out with your hair wet has nothing to do with catching a cold?”

 One woman was shopping for a wedding bag. As long as they’re not going through the boxes I have, I don’t really mind. Well, this woman was an entirely different story.
 “Is this a joke?” she exclaimed, sounding severly offended, like someone had played a sick joke on her.
  I look over at the wedding bag she’s holding that reads So Happy for Your’s Wedding. She demands an explanation, and I just said, “Well, it could be a joke; I’m guessing the company just misprinted the bag.”
  She huffed away.

Random Fact #2
 Got the hiccups? You should use this remedy a customer told me.
 “Have someone ask you ‘When’s the last time you saw a white horse?’ You should spend so much time thinking about it, you’ll forget to hiccup.”

Great Cheap Ways to Entertain Yourself
 Outside: Put a mentos in a bottle of soda … then run. Very cool looking. Just don’t show this to rowdy teenagers hanging outside the dollar store.
  Inside: Microwave marshmellow peeps! You just have to make sure they don’t explode, but they should grow immensely large. I wonder how long it takes to figure out the precise timing …

Windy Conditions [The Cart Stories]
 So for any of you who live near the southwest corner of PA, you should realize that it was rather windy last night. Along with the random rain, and possibly hail, it was some weird weather. It’s normally pretty quiet those nights. I wasn’t expecting randomness, but insanity came knocking at my door … or should I say, came rolling in.
  I look outside and see an older couple in their car, stopped at an intersection in front of the dollar store. They hadn’t quite reached the stores yet, but there were no cars in sight. I continued to watch, and saw a cart go rolling past them; then, they continued to pull out.

 This story deserves its own paragraph.
 These two really nice women came in and bought a good amount of items. Following which, they proceeded to their car. The store had people, but I felt like watching the wind outside.
  Just as these two women are about to cross the barrier, out of nowhere, a cart comes flying across the parking lot. One of the women bends her knees and puts her hands up, as the cart approaches the speed bump. Upon meeting the speed bump, the cart flies up in the air, flips and hits the woman.
    At first, I felt like running out to ask if she was ok. However, her friend was bent over laughing (and the woman soon joined too), that they were, walking along, minding their own business, when out of nowhere, a cart came and hit the woman.
   You never thought you had to watch for carts, did you?

Save a Plastic Tree

This is definitely going to be my new catch phrase. I have had 3 customers tell me this now when I ask if they want a bag. Honestly, even though I’m not environmentally correct (I love gas guzzling trucks and aerosol cans and paper towels vs the hand drying things that use a rare chemical that we will soon run out of on earth), but I do love to say “Save a Plastic Tree”. It’s like agreeing with the environmentalists while virtually mocking them.

One of the most disturbing things in the world is when you have a customer that sounds like Yoda. It’s even more disturbing if that customer is a woman.

Favorite Customer Line of the Week
“You can keep my reciept as a souvenir of my visit.”

To all those who were wondering about my future college school, Grove City turned me down … I’ll be attending my second choice.